Thursday, January 29, 2015

Lumbersexuals versus Lumber Men


Lumbersexuals versus Lumber Men

This Lumbersexual almost pulls it off.

As a writer, I’m always looking for fresh ideas, words and phrases to infuse into my stories. Recently, a friend of mine posted a few words about “lumbersexuals” on his website, and I had no idea—at first—about what he meant. So I did a little research.

I was excited about my initial research because it was all about these men, sporting a rugged exterior with beards and flannel shirts. Lumbersexuals were supposed to be the new “hip” thing. “Great,” I said. I’d always been drawn, thought I, to these sorts of rugged guys. In fact, I married one of these manly men, so—at this point—I was thinking I was “hip” before it was “hip.”

Then my research took me further into the reality of “Lumbersexuality,” and they were definitely NOT what I had thought they were. Lumbersexuals were replacing Metrosexuals. “Oh, I see,” I said. They were simply donning plaid shirts, growing beards, and looking all disheveled to create a look! A few Lumbersexuals were even taking photos with axes! That was the tip that sent me investigating further into this new idea of Lumbersexuality—the axes were new—never had been used a day in their lives!
You see, I’d been doing my own research on Lumber Men (or rather a Lumber Man). Here is where a real Lumber Man differs from a Lumbersexual.

1.     A Lumber Man REALLY does work with lumber.

2.     A Lumber Man smells like cedar or oak or pine…or some other actual outdoor scent—not a bottled Abercrombie perfume for men, like “Cashmere Woods.” Really? Cashmere Woods?

3.     A Lumber Man has a relaxed approach to his appearance and does not have scheduled appointments at a hair salon. You’ll find this guy at a real barber shop…or worse, he’ll take the scissors to his own hair just to get it out of his eyes.

4.     A Lumber Man can grow a great beard, but he sometimes sports some untrimmed scruff. Many Lumbersexuals manicure their sometimes wimpy beards to within an inch of their lives.

5.     A Lumber Man wears relaxed Wrangler or Levis jeans—not tight little jeans from Express.

6.     A Lumber Man layers his flannel plaid shirts, too! Only his worn, layered shirts are adorned with authentic holes, paint, and wood glue. The Lumbersexuals shirts are factory “worn,” and they pay a premium price for the extra detail.
I could go on and on, but you get the picture—I hope, because you can’t get a Lumber Man to pose for the camera, whereas, “posing” is the name of the game for Lubersexuals. I’ve attached a photo (above) of a Lumber sexual for your reference.

Notes for Lumbersexual photo: a. can often be found in an urban environment; b. often seen with a backpack as an accessory (with his Macbook Air inside); c. might possibly wear leather jewelry, thinking that this adds authenticity; d. is appearing more and more in Hollywood.

Women love to read about real manly men in books—you know the kind—the I-can-fix-anything and still-cook-you-a-romantic-dinner kind. I’m going to continue with my personal research (lucky me), so watch out for “Lumber Man” characters in my future books!